A New Kind of Love

At a party last night, as I was filling my wine glass with water, a friend asked me if I drank.  My response?  "Yes,  I'm pretty freed up, I used to be a bartender. God got me later in life, I have a past." I said with a smile. She grinned back back at me and tried to imagine the me she knows now behind a bar.   As I lay in bed this morning, pondering the conversation and the freedom I mentioned, it got me thinking about the motivating force behind it.  Love.  Not love like we know love.  Our love is performance based.  It's based on give and take.  Our spouses and even to a small degree, whether we admit or not, our children's love is grounded in some level of do for me and I'll do for you, but not our Father's love.  God's love is truly inconceivable to us,  in that while we were yet sinners Christ died for us.  What does that mean?  Think of the worst thing you've ever done, it's at that moment that God sent His beloved Son to his death for you.  That kind of love is freeing.  Trusting in it is the hard part, that's where faith comes in, and thankfully God is an expert on that and never leaves us hanging.  What relief to know that even on our worst day, someone has our back.  Maybe we could even lift that burden off our spouse, friend, parent or child, and put it back on the Father where it belongs and whose arms are strong enough to carry it and us.  That's my kind of fairy tale.

A Fairy Tale Holiday

As the holidays rush towards us, I  find myself commiserating with Charlie Brown.  I look around at the commercialism and I long for a simpler time that I personally have never known but have only read about.  Prince Jr and the little Princess get a bad case of the I wants and have a hard time remembering the details of the nativity story no matter how many times we read it, or do a unit study, or play a game about it.  I wonder is there more I could be doing or is this it?  Is this as good as it gets?  Don't get me wrong.  I love the Christmas season. My Prince is ready to put the tree up the day after Halloween, we really try and stretch it out and enjoy every moment.  I love when I can find that perfect gift, I love all our little family traditions that the kids look forward to.  I guess I just wish the meaning  ran a little deeper for us all.  That would a perfect fairy tale holiday.

The successful fairy tale

I received in my inbox yesterday, an email asking me if success was raising a child who was smart, happy, and well mannered.  That gave me pause.  At first I was sad, it seemed so empty, is that it?  That's all I'm striving for?  Is that how I measure success?  If you saw my parenting some days, you might think so.  I know I personally put a lot of emphasis on manners and not always for the right reasons.  Yes, I want my children to be a blessing to others, (but I also don't want them to make me look bad.)  Do I want them to be happy?  Of course, but not necessarily as the world defines happy.  I want them to be joyful and I want them to know that true joy comes from the Lord, not things, and not other people, and not circumstances.  Those are all wonderful fun things, but they are fleeting.  Do I want smart children, again, of course, but wisdom can't be learned from a book.  That's God taught.  Even manners go back to the Golden Rule, Do to others what you would have them do to you.  So to get back to my original question.  Do I define success by raising children who are smart, happy, and well mannered?  In a manner of speaking, I guess I do.

I am Plan A

Remember that book I mentioned, "Lies Homeschooling Mom's Believe"?  I'm still reading it.  (I'm one of those people that usually has several different books going)  I enjoy this one in little bites because it takes me awhile to wrap my brain around the truths that are in there.  The author points out that if we don't consider ourselves too lazy, too easy going, and too unorganized then we most likely consider ourselves too demanding, too much of a perfectionist or we think we take all the fun out of life.  It resonated with me.  Why is that?  Why can't we find the happy medium?  Why do we always have to go to the negative extreme?  He really blew my mind with his next statement.  Not only does God already know those things about me, but He gave me most of those traits, and He gave me those traits to be best for MY children.  So while I am always out searching for a better system, a better plan, a better something that's going to improve me and my family and my parenting, I need to remember that I am God's Plan A for them.  After all, as the daughter of the King, that does make me a Princess.

Fairy Tale Truth

As if in answer to all my questions, the book "Lies Homeschooling Moms Believe" by Todd Wilson Lies Homeschooling Moms Believe, Learning to Live the Truth, the Whole Truth, and Nothing but the Trutharrived in the mail yesterday.  Apparently I'm not the only woman asking those questions.  What a wonderful encouragement. I am beginning to realize that while I am not by any means perfect, I may lose my temper, make bad decisions, and blow it pretty regularly, but God decided that I was the perfect Mom for my Prince jr. and the Princessa.  My job is to keep running the race and trust Him to fill in the gaps.  That's a fairy tale ending I can live with.

Questions, Questions, and more Questions

Before I had children, my best friend said one of the things that stressed her out as a mom, was all the decisions she had to make in a day.  At the time I could not understand why decision making was such a big deal.  7 years and 2 children later I now understand.   I sometimes feel as though my entire day has been spent deciding when and how to respond to a particular event, infraction, sibling fight, parental disagreement or educational choice.  If I decide not to get involved in the latest sibling squable, will it work itself out or escalate into a maelstrom of destruction?  If I decide to allow video games and TV and computer time, will they be antisocial vegetables when they grow up?  If I decide clean rooms everyday is not a top priority, will they be capable of keeping their own homes when they grow up?  If  I get frustrated with my Prince and we argue in front of them, will their view of marriage be damaged forever?  If I lose my temper, will they need therapy when they grow up for anger issues?  If I decide the classical method of education is the best one, and they end up hating it, will their innate love of learning be ruined  for life?  If I decide to let the latest infraction slide, will they have a giant flaw in their character?    It's an exhausting cycle of what ifs and decisions.  The fairy tale looked a lot easier in the book.

It's the little things

Last night, my prince and I went to dinner and a movie.  Since we had arrived a few minutes early for our movie, we both whipped out our phones and starting playing games,  I have recently discovered  Bejeweled and am completely addicted.  I wondered aloud if I they made it for my phone and promptly went back to playing Bookworm.  About a minute later, my prince hands me his phone with Bejeweled all downloaded and ready to play.  It's the little things that complete the fairy tale.